Friday, January 21, 2011

When Did You Become His Sugar Mama?

Sometimes things happen so fast that we don’t have time to register them until we are in the middle of something that we never would have gone along with if we had thought about it. This can be true even of something that started out as one thing, and then ended up being something else entirely.

This shift of reality seems to occur most often in relationships of the romantic kind. It’s easy to see why you can be blindsided by something that originates from a situation that is near and dear to your heart. But if you’re not careful, you could find yourself lost in your own relationship, and it really could be the beginning of the end of things as you knew them.

When the two of you started dating you knew that he didn’t make a lot of money; you may have even wondered how he was able to take you out, and pay his bills. But you didn’t ask him about it because that would have just been rude. And anyway, it really didn’t matter to you because he had everything else you were looking for in a guy, and even lots of things that you had no idea you were looking for. Being with him felt so good, it didn’t matter what the two of you were doing, as long as you were together. And to your amazement he even came through for you a couple of times when you were in a financial pinch; he’s your hero.

Now as you look back on that time, you wonder what happened to that guy who would never think of having you pay for anything; not that you never did, but it was you who offered. Now he does everything but come out and ask you for money; well if you count that time he did, but acted like he was joking, you’re not sure, maybe he has.

At first you felt like you and he were a team, and after how he came to your rescue without you even asking, you felt completely comfortable with offering to spot him some gas money here and there, or buying him dinner once in a while. But it’s been months and he seems to be crying broke more than ever. He even uses it as an excuse for not spending as much time with you as he used to. He says that he doesn’t feel comfortable seeing you when he can’t afford to pay for anything. It’s confusing at best and suspicious at worst. It’s gotten to the point that you feel uncomfortable discussing your shopping sprees with him because you feel, guilty.

Before you are tempted to offer to fill up his gas tank because he really wants to see you, but doesn’t have the gas to make it to your house and back again, you may want to think twice about letting go of your cash.

It’s true, he helped you when you were in a jam, but it was very temporary, and you never made it feel like it was a condition to seeing you. In any relationship there should be a give and take going both ways. When you start feeling like he sees you as a way to get some extra cash, it probably means your relationship is no longer a team effort, but more like an everyman for himself event.

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